Another 4more months till 2011

2010.

Can you imaging?
I could never imaging myself growing up, living the life I want and having a steady working life. Up until now, I still can't imaging myself working. I'm not growing up; I'm still in this mentality that youth is forever.

I can dream but where can my dreams bring me? How far can it fly?

I'm not confident, I'm sure in that but I'm trying to change even if it's taking longer then expected. My friends has grown, not all of them but most of them. Some are already overseas while some are stuck here with me.

Another 1 and a half years and I'll be gone too as I leave my friends in Malaysia to carry on with my life there in Australia. I'll miss my friends of course, but life needs to be upgraded, we can't stay here forever, what's fun without experience.

I know I'll never grow up, in my heart, youth and childish thoughts will always fill my thoughts and take the better of me. I've done my part in trying, changing into some one else I'm not and obviously did not like what I have become.

Therefore distance was my only option and carrying the change was my direction. Disappointment to disappointment I faced every time I do something, it's always not enough and I obviously want to be better.

The laziness must be pushed away! I need to be the best of all best, to compete and to be noticed, and honestly I tried but some how I still disappoint myself. My work has gone the down low and I need more passion, more life into my art, my master piece.

Art is life.

You start with it and if things goes wrong, painting the same exact picture might be one option but fixing it with your own creativity is the other; the much better solution.

Creativity. Not everyone has it, I know for I seen many who does not have it. They're only good at competing with skilled understanding or cheated method to create an outcome. Personally I have creativeness but some how it's lost some where in within me and I'm still trying to pull it out. I want to be better.

Life is a ticking clock, it passes too fast.